Whenever I do a radio program on abuse and domestic violence, I often wonder if women sometimes ignore clues that their future husband will abuse them. Apparently I am not the only one thinking about this. Dr. Laura Riley recently wrote an article with the helpful title: “How to Spot an Abuser Before It’s Too Late.” She asks nine questions that can be predictors of future abuse.

1. How does your date handle stress? Does he solve problems with words? She has found in more than three decades of clinical experience that abusers are often unable to solve conflicts verbally. Under stress, words fail them.

2. Is your date possessive? It may seem romantic that he calls eight times a day but this could be a sign of possessiveness, especially if he begins driving away your friends.

3. Is he excessively jealous? Abusers are insecure and afraid of losing you to other men. Does he get angry when you talk to other men?

4. Does he say you’re the special one, the only person who understands him?

5. Does your date’s treatment of people depend on their rank? Often an abuser can be charming to the boss and a tyrant to others. He can be one person in public and a very different person in private.

6. Does he get mean or violent when he drinks?

7. Does he blame others for his problems? Abusers blame their victims for doing things that make them explode or lash out. They don’t take responsibility for their violence.

8. Is he moody? Abusers are often unpredictable in their moods. Victims learn to tiptoe around them to avoid their wrath.

9. How does he handle frustration? If your date hits you or breaks something of yours, it’s goodbye.

I might add that these can also apply to men dating women. Both men and woman can be abusers. Let me end by asking if you know someone who needs to read this. If so, pass it on.